From Toddlers to Teens: Fostering Emotional Intelligence and Maturity at Every Stage
About The Author:
Siegfried Lange, a friend of WTN completed his masters in Clinical Psychology with a master's thesis focusing on the development of emotional intelligence. He has 15 years' experience in Retail, most of which in management. He worked in various companies like OK Franchise Division (Shoprite), Woermann & Brock and Cashbuild. Siegfried is a well-known radio and Television personality who has a weekly slot on NBC radio and ad-hoc appearances on Tupopyeni (NBC Television).
His books "True Emotional Freedom", "Emotionally Debt Free" and “the Laws of OUR Nature” have proven to be 2 of the most well-known Namibian Emotional Intelligence resources available on the market. In 2020 he co-authored with eight international authors on change called "Independent Minds, Expert Ideas: How to Thrive in a Changing World". In 2021 he wrote 2 chapters in the first Human Resource Handbook written by Namibians for Namibians called “HR Practitioners Handbook”. His latest book “Laws of OUR Nature” has the potential to impact lives via its assessment and informed information sections with practical application.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It's more than just being aware of feelings; it involves a deeper understanding of the relationship between our thoughts and behaviours.
A key aspect of EQ is recognizing your own emotions and those of others. This includes understanding the origins of these emotions. Emotions are influenced by our environment and past experiences, but they ultimately originate in our thoughts. By understanding the thought patterns that lead to specific emotions, we manage how we respond to them.
Managing emotions is a crucial component of EQ. It's important to distinguish between managing and controlling emotions. Controlling emotions often involves suppressing or ignoring them, which can be detrimental to both mental and physical health.
Whereas, managing emotions means allowing yourself to feel emotions in a healthy way, expressing them appropriately and at the right time, without causing harm to yourself or others. This involves learning to regulate emotional responses and channel them in constructive ways. High emotional intelligence fosters strong relationships, improves decision-making, and enhances overall well-being.
Raising toddlers is a whirlwind of emotions for both the little one and the parent! Guiding these tiny humans through their big feelings requires more than just setting limits; it requires fostering emotional intelligence (EQ) and maturity, even at this early stage.
How can parents help their toddlers on this crucial journey?
Making your child be aware of emotions:
The first step in building EQ is recognizing, understanding and managing emotions. Parents can make this a fun, ongoing process. Turn emotion recognition into a game! Use flashcards with different facial expressions and ask your toddler to identify the emotion illustrated. You can even create your own cards or use online resources. Discuss what situations might bring these feelings.
Encourage your toddler to describe their own emotions. Help them find the right words to express what they're feeling, whether it's "frustrated, or anxious" If they struggle, offer gentle support and ask open-ended questions like, "What does this feeling feel like in your body?"
Discuss emotions in the context of everyday life. When watching a movie or cartoons, ask your toddler how different characters might be feeling and why. This helps them develop empathy and understand the variation of emotional expression.
Understanding the Origins of Emotions:
It's not enough to just name emotions; your child needs to understand where they come from. This is where the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours comes in. Explain to your teen that emotions originate in our thoughts. Our thoughts about ourselves, others, and the world around us directly influence how we feel and how we act. This simple framework can be a game-changer.
When your child is experiencing a strong emotion, gently guide them to reflect on their thoughts. Ask questions like, "What were you thinking right before you started feeling this way?" or "What thoughts might be contributing to this feeling?" Avoid judgment; the goal is self-awareness. Emphasize that positive thinking doesn't magically change the world, but it does change how we experience it.
Managing Emotions, Not Suppressing Them
Help your child find healthy ways to express their emotions. This might involve engaging in creative activities, or physical exercise. Discuss what works best for them. Avoid simply telling your child to "stop feeling that way." Instead, guide them towards more constructive ways of managing their emotions. Help them understand the difference between expressing emotions appropriately and acting out in destructive ways.
Building emotional intelligence is a lifelong process. Be patient with your child and offer consistent support. Model healthy emotional expression and regulation in your own life. Children learn by observing the adults around them. Create a safe space for your child to talk about their feelings without fear of judgment. Listen actively and empathetically. By focusing on these strategies, parents can provide their child with the emotional intelligence they need to navigate adolescence and adulthood successfully. It's an investment that will pay dividends for years to come.
